Where did all MEN go?…another urban legend?
I’m listening to this question for so many years. First it was something like whisper. Then became a loud voice. Now is an urban legend…..
I thought to write many ideas on how women today have this perception on men’s …”absence”!!! Instead of doing that i would give you five sentences. Five explanations but without documentation. I’m expecting you to add the background information…
Sentence 1 : There is a huge gap in commnication between mena dn women. WE DONT UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER ANYMORE. (fashion industry is one of the causes…)
false advertizing by Grant McDonald at flickr\
Sentence 2 : Women are more confused today. THEY SHIFT ROLES AND NOW THEY DONT LIKE IT.
Sentence 3 : Like my previous post was saying, we are mixing R(elations) with P(ublic) R(elations). Who needs a person beside him/her being all the time pleasant as PR manager of a multinational?
Sentence 4 : We have lost concept of family ad now men cannot find a reson to settle down with a woman. Dear i dont want you just to share the bills!!! Or going to parties….
Sentence 5 : World economy pave the way to men discovring more “exotic” beauties. Globalization’s gift became a course for western world ladies. Men more and more are preferring the eastern traditional model of the caring wife….
Now lets fight….
if we dont control our lives, then someone else more powerfull will be willing to do that.
that is a comment from a woman who has been loved and loves too much
men are like empty cans, vases, in which every woman puts her own flowers.
i like my flowers to be roses, so beautiful , but dangerous to whom don’t know how to touch them
that is the difference between men and women my friend, no stability for women , mistakes who bring gifts for men
argiro
this is a comment by my friend firuza in UK publshed under her license
I will comment on it …men are inadequate this days, I need a man who can do what I can not do and the problem is the only thing he can do I cannot do by myself is have sex with me. For the rest i can use sperm bank :)
As well men a week this days… so where did they go ? mmm… they degraded to a lower class of humanity . They create too much of hustle and too much of noise for five minutes of satisfaction….
Will keep one for sex … marriage ???? nope … If i want to look after someone for the rest of my life I will have a child … if I want to have a simple male presents in my house I will have a dog … more loyal …
firuza add also that
lol I m not anti male at all … in fact I like them … it was the answer to your question Where did all men gone ? and my answer is they didn’t go anywhere they just a very very poor quality this days
PS: This is an average opinion I would say in UK, don’t forget culture between woman and man here is very very different to a Mediterranean country like Greece
I totally disagree. There is no such thing as absence of men. Many women look for a handsome and wealthy man to take care of them, be loyal to them and do everything for them. Well, there are not many men who can do that, so many women are looking for the same few men. That’s the story; end.
@ to firuza and dorothy
then is not about love and affection. is about money, and “convenient” situation. Thats fine with me. But where is feminism? And the most important above all: If women gradually are becoming more propserous, succesful and independent, top level managers and politicians, how tey could find somene better off than them?
i really doubt. So this is why men are going to the east and this is why women have to realize that men have to play their role of the past. Staying home, clean the house, take care of kids?
Does it sound boring? But why was not boring for your mothers?
I agree that men need women to be more “women” (caring and tendering, attentive and giving-like the north-eastern women). But do you know the luck of such Greek women? I’ll reply to you according to my personal experience.. Everybody says that” She (the caring, loving, giving Greek lady) is a lady to have a home, a family with her! And do you know how they react? The go to the next one, to have a “light” relationship -no commitments, no responsibilities (between us I don’t quite undersand that huge mens’ fear of commitment!!!). And after a while, they get married to that lady (with whom they have problems during the marriage and they cannot understand why!!!)
I’m not of the ones who wonder where all men have gone, neither I think of myself as a feminist (but as a human beeing without make seperations based on colour, nationallity OR sex).
I think that all 5 reasons explain the todays’dissapointment and confusion (I prefer this word)
Men are confused about the role as much as women. And personally I believe that men are the ones who get easily satisfied: good job, a home and plenty of sex. That’s all they need.
I’m not asking for a man, but for a person who can respect and express himself honestly!
The way you behave the kind of persons you attract
The question should be “Why Men don’t want to get married?”
Well here is my take on the matter, living in a multicultural society.
I see it all around me. Miserable, unhappy people who didn’t fall victim to anything but their own poor stereotypes and unreal expectations in others. The one thing though they all have in common is they took the plunge…. and got married.
Marriage sucks. That’s what the popular consensus is – or maybe it’s my problem that I have surrounded myself with thirtysomething’s with negative attitudes. Sure – they exist – happy married people that is; but for the most part the view of marriage by those who are in it is something akin to a prison sentence. Think about it! 70% of marriages in this country end in divorce. I am fairly certain now that the other 30% must involve a literal prison sentence (Scott Peterson) or a nasty pile-up on the interstate/September 11th type event that leaves a lot of people filling out Social Security forms with the box marked “Widowed”.
It’s been on my mind a lot lately for various reasons. I’ve paid more attention to conversations from both sides of the gender mix. I hear these ridiculous generalities:
“He’s too controlling.”
“She nags me constantly for the stupidest little things. I feel like a beaten man.”
“He doesn’t care what I think.”
“My needs are not important to her.”
“We have sex twice a year – if that often.”
It makes me sick. Somehow these two people were once “in love” enough to buy the rings and exchange the vows – but now they could not hate each other more. They are bitter enemies. The last thing they would ever do is something for each other. An of course none of them walked down that aisle saying “5 years from now I will wish him/her dead and be in a bitter court battle over custody of our Bernese Mountain Dog.”
It’s just how it is sometimes. I am at a point in my life where I have already watched a dozen friends divorce, and I am hearing about more and more every day. Funny thing is to me – the new people I hear about getting divorced are people married 25+ years. These people waited that long to hate each other that much where a decision was warranted.
Now the one common thread amongst ALL the cases I keep hearing about is this:
THE MAN GETS FUCKED OVER THE MOST.
Situation 1: My buddy Steve got married way too young. He knocked a girl up when he was 19 and she was 20. They married five months later and lived together in a small apartment over his parents house. They had two more kids after the first. Finally, about 7 years in to this marriage, they had saved enough by both working to buy a house. A month before they bought the house officially, we went out for drinks to celebrate. Steve’s wife confided in me at that point that she was miserable, and as soon as Steven bought the house she would leave him. I passed the comment off as “drunken anger”. Sure enough, 4 months after they moved in, his wife kicked him out. Within the first month – a man in a white truck was parked at the house overnight. Turns out she had been cheating on him for a while. A restraining order was filed against Steve because he – as any rational man who just got dicked out of his savings, his new home, and his kids to some other asshole – got angry.
Now Steve was not the “Husband of the Year” – but Steve also never cheated on his wife despite their problems. His wife lived in the house for a year before the bank foreclosed. Steve sees his kids twice a month now on weekends. The kids are not doing real well because of the anger between their parents. While I could say the biggest victim in this case were the kids – Steve pays his wife almost half his paycheck every week because she didn’t want him anymore…..
CONCLUSION: STEVE GOT FUCKED.
Situation 2: Barry was a prominent dentist who, twenty-one years in to his practice had accumulated a good amount of wealth. This afforded his wife Beth to stay at home with their kids instead of working. The kids are now preparing to graduate high school and Beth has had too much time to watch fat cows like Rosie O’donnell on The View every morning. While Barry works, Beth watches television, then lunches for four hours with her girlfriends, spends $250 in an afternoon shopping for shoes – and then goes home to her middle-aged husband to complain about “nothing in particular” for whatever reason. Maybe she resented staying at home because she had no satisfaction from a career like her friend Nancy who works on Wall Street, never married, and vacations with her pool boy to Bora Bora so she can sleep with a twenty-five year old without feeling guilt.
Meanwhile – Barry is a great provider, but his wife has always been kind of a nag. He plays golf at the country club, and he has even been known to hire an escort now and then. But overall, he’s your average guy just trying to enjoy life and look forward to retirement and maybe selling his practice.
Well fuck that. Beth’s resentment has grown too much to stay with her husband, so after 26 years of marriage – she asks for a divorce. After trying to contest it, Barry gives up and gives in because she’s already rejected him and it’s not worth saving the marriage. They have equity in the house, plus Barry’s practice and investments that total almost 2 million dollars. Beth hired a wonderful lawyer and because of the laws in this country, she got half of everything Barry had earned in his lifetime. Why shouldn’t she? She stood by him long enough to be entitled to her share when SHE made the decision to end it. There is no benefit to staying married for Beth when she can have all that money. In fact, she has another friend who is a financial planner and put her in to an annuity that will pay all her fixed bills while she can go start the career she probably could have had anyway if she stayed married to Barry. Barry however, has much of his equity tied up in his practice and he needed to keep that going – so he now works twice as hard, lives in a one bedroom apartment instead of the 4400 square foot house he called home the last dozen years – and uses his free time to drink a lot because the bitch he called wife screwed him over.
CONCLUSION: BARRY GOT FUCKED
Situation 3: Cliff lives with Shannon. They have been married for 3 years. They have a 6 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. Cliff beats Shannon a good once or twice a week. He often does it right in the trailer park where they live – but every now and then he will do it in public when they go out for Sunday dinner at Denny’s or Howard Johnson’s. Shannon is too simple to know how to get out of this abusive relationship. But luckily, Shannon’s neighbor Pedro, the same pool boy who Nancy vacations to Bora Bora with – feels obliged to be there emotionally for Shannon while Cliff is working his sanitation job. One thing leads to another and they have sex. Cliff comes home for an unexpected lunch, sees the trailer rocking back and forth, grabs the shot gun out of the trunk of his 1980 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, and blows them both away while the kids watch. The police show up three hours later and arrest Cliff. He’s sentenced to life in prison for a double homicide because he is white and can’t afford Johnny Cochrane (not to mention Mr. Cochrane is deceased at this time), but the judge says he’s lucky not to get the chair for his actions. The kids spend their lives in and out of foster homes and eventually Cliff’s son meets his dad in prison some 18 years after his mom’s murder because he got convicted of dealing crystal meth. Cliff’s daughter gains more success when she moves to Nevada and gets a job at the Bunny Ranch as a slightly-higher-profile-than-a-street-corner prostitute.
CONCLUSION: Now this one is more difficult. Obviously Shannon got fucked because she is dead. The kids definitely got screwed over – but in my opinion the person who suffered the most is Nancy who now has to vacation with a man she met on the train whose sexual stamina is like one tenth of Pedro’s….. so:
NANCY GOT FUCKED.
Ok, fine, I stray off subject for the sake of entertainment – but the fact is, situation 2 seems to happen the most in this country. They may not be rich dentists who use escorts, but a lot of average guys get taken to the bank by their wives who decide they want something different. So as a man, your role in the new world of marriage, is to accumulate as much as possible so that someday you can be your ex-wife’s funding source.
It’s a negative view – but it’s all too real. Single women out there will argue against me on this subject, but the numbers don’t lie. If 70% of marriages end in divorce – and the man gets fucked the majority of the time a pool boy’s death isn’t involved – then why would a man ever take the chance he will someday get to fund his ex-wife’s hatred of him?
Answer and ultimate conclusion: Don’t get married. Live together. Have kids. Treat each other right. Realize that you being a shithead of a guy or you being a bitch of a woman to each other has serious repercussions. Stop expecting everything and giving nothing. Love each other. Love your kids. Take away the stereotypes of what a wife should do or be like. Stop with the unrealistic expectations that he should read your mind. Treat each other like you would want to be treated yourself…. all the time…. not just when he/she isn’t pissing you off.
And laugh at all the dumb guys who continue to book banquet halls and ministers so they can someday be the girl in the white dress’s pension.
What is your experience/views of marriage?
The Ultimate Moral Story for the Greek Man is that his views of social behavior and relationships is influenced by social engineering and lack of moral convictions.
In addition to the comments of other girls i can add, that russian women are used to work and have family for couple of generations already and it was never a big problem for neither of genders. It was totally different in the western europe.
But still russian girls are facing the same problem now more and more. Men don’t want to take responsibility for a relationship and prefer just a fling.
In addition, western men feel offended by the strength of a woman – they are not the only ones who work – girls can take care of themselves AND the household.
Maybe it is a result of the war, that the whole generation grew up raised by women only? Maybe it is the whole advertisement of a “cool” lifestyle ? Lack of education? Lack of communication? – I bet it is all this and even more.
Open question remains – and how we gonna change it?!
@adonis
i have read your comment with all my attentin. yes marriage is complicated and not only legally but also socially and financially. Of course US legal ssytem is far more complicated than Greece. Here in any divorce the golden rule is Kids must be the winners. Mainly due to female judges (but not still at the supreme court). I’m keeping though your last and far more interesting conclusion. Living alone is not sollution. marriage is not the only form of living together. Both are important in my opinion.
@elena
i think you are a genious person as far as i know you. You are also russian studying in a hgh profile Univeristy in russia. SO i value your opinion the most. And i’m glad saying that russian women are facing the same problem as western europeans.
Maybe finally is dorothy’s comment : Too many women are searching for very few men…
my friend Anna from Norway send me an excelelnt comment that i ‘m posting after her permission
:) Here we go, dear:
1) Hasn’t there ever been?
Ya know, the Venus-vsa-Mars kind of stuff…
2) When a man says “women are more confused today”, it sounds pretty much like a projection.
3) Yeah, this might definitely be something to reflect upon!
4) When you consider that most mistreatings, beatings, murders etc of women and children take place in families and by hand of the family’s males, then we should be glad if “the family concept” is undergoing a crisis. Such a crisis could eventually pave the way to a new and more respectful way to relate with each other. (Oh well, one must always hope…)
5) To no longer be considered as a potential candidate for a career as house slave, is definitely not a “curse” for western women – but those whom you call “exotic beauties” might eventually start experiencing it just as a curse.
Δεν σας πιστεύω. Στήσατε τέτοιες συζητήσεις μεσούντος του θέρους ; Πού πήγαν οι άνδρες? Αυτό ήτο το ρητορικόν ερώτημα ή τα αγγλικά μου πάνε κατα διαβόλου ; Αν ρωτάτε πού πήγαν οι άνδρες, η ερώτηση εχει απαντηθεί από τους παλιούς ρεμπέτες : τους πατησε το τρένο.
Men Men..In our life everything is around men. One word, three letters that control everything.
I love you men with all my soul. I stare at you..My brother, my lover, my father, my boss…everyone. I learned to listen, think and try to understand.
You are here. You have not vanished. You seem to be the strongest sex but eventually you are the weakest of two (male and female).
You are like babies no matter what age you are. Straight, honest, spontaneous, egos, crazy, lonely, lovable, flirty, sexy, strong, proud, fan of tops, independent…everything like us.
You supposed to be the leaders in this life when us (women) became like you. You do not like it but trust me even if we seem to like it we don’t.We need you as much as you need us. The difference is that as female nature we know how to hide it. You don’t know or you don’t want to. And you are exposed. You are afraid of everything but mostly of yourselves. And it is our fault…
I see you flirtying me only behind ‘walls’ i.e. facebook. And even if you try in real life there comes one day that you cannot control it and you just run for the next one. When you start being closer to us emotionally, you just turn your back without saying anything. Even if you feel that you found something ‘unique’ you are afraid that it is not true and you leave. But it is not us but you..How many times have you spoken to yourself while looking to your mirror?
We women become more and more like you men business wise and personal and we walk in a parallel path, both hiding behind ‘walls’ and excuses. Too busy, no time, no commitments and the path becomes more parallel..And we are both alone walking…walking…spoiling our one and only life!!
Where is the ‘contact’ I ask myself and you??
And there comes one day where one of us is seriously sick and realises that there is noone to help..And we both lonely men and women end up in a hospital with only ‘friends’ our money, fame and glory..Lonely with no shoulder to hold.. No ‘mate’ just to share our pain. Hopeless and with fear..And there comes ‘life’ to teach us the real lesson..
I am not in the hospital yet but I will fight so that I will never end up there alone. No matter the prize will be for me, I will continue loving you men..I will continue understanding you, I will continue standing one step behind you..Because I will feel more safe when you will be my leader even if part of your glory comes from my contribution. I will be proud to call me Mrs Mr X than the opposite.
And hopefully when I will be in the hospital one day, I will have your shoulder and my children’s one.
Don’t defense on our nature..Let your weak part show, it is part of your existense. It is difficult but trust me we are trying to do same. Meet us on the next crossroad and don’t let the world want you lonely..Because you are very lonely and sad. We know how to survive better than you but we need you..
‘It is not that we cannot live without you but we don’t want to’…
Thank you for all the pain you might have caused to my life because I am learning.. I learn how to love you more but mostly I learn how to love myself. That’s why I am happy and smily and soon we will be again together..
Thank you
Παλιά ιστορία-πληγή θίγεις. Εχω γράψει για το θέμα σου παλιότερα εδώ http://kathimerinitrella.blogspot.com/2008/02/blog-post_03.html
Για συντομία σου λέω ότι οι Ελληνίδες ποτέ δεν θα βρούν “ιδανικό άντρα” γιατί έχουν οι ίδιες αλλάξει ζητούμενο. Τον θέλουν νέο, πλούσιο, λίγο μαλάκα, (να ανέχεται τα μπουρίνια τους) ακούραστο στο σεχ, αλλά να κάνει και baby-sitting, ορφανό (αρα νο πεθερά), ιδιοκτήτη σπιτιού-βίλας-νησιού, φραγκάτο που να τις κυττάει και στα μάτια.
Αν δεν τον βρούν γκρινιάζουν
Ο Ελληνας πλέον βαριέται. Τα 700 ευρώ δεν φτάνουν για να βγάζει τη κότα έξω κάθε βράδυ. Η εικονική πραγματικότητα και καμμιά τσόντα αρκούν, μια χαρά. Αν θέλει και σέχ, υπάρχουν και οι Ρωσίδες που και κουκλάρες είναι και δεν τους πρήζουν.
Sorry girls!
@rits
sorry i’m answering late. ναι τους πάτησε το τρένο. Αλλά εγώ αισθάνομαι μια χαρά και “ζωντανός”. Το ζήτημα είναι ποιός είναι έτοιμος να “παίξει” στο παιχνίδι.
@penny
θα έπρεπε να σε λατρεύουν οι άντρες!!! Είσαι σπάνιο είδος πια…
@μαρίνα
μια χαρά. its all about money.
αυτό έλεγα κι εγώ. Κι όσο κι αν ακούγεται παράξενο ο Αλογοσκούφης έχει μειώσει δραστικά το sex σε αυτή την χώρα.
and another comment from Noel in Tulsa Oklahoma
SK: “There is a huge gap in commnication between men and women.”
WNR: I completely agree. I think this is mostly because, in modern society, women learn to communicate with men from OTHER WOMEN, and likewise with men. There are few opportunities available for safe, acceptable, secular ways to mix men and women in groups until college age (about about 18 yrs old), far past the prime times to learn social communication (between birth and about 14 yrs old). By then, we’ve had to endure misunderstanding and survive by adopting the thinking errors of the people around us (most notably, our parents/primary caregivers of both genders). Massive distractions like the encouragement to lie about ourselves (through fashion, etc) only complicates the situation…
SK: “Women are more confused today.”
WNR: I somewhat disagree. Men, I think, are more confused than women, but their confusion is inspired by the dizzying diversity of the human female. We are incredibly adaptive to change, and run hot/cold based on changes in our internal and external environments that are usually imperceivable to the men around us. It’s nobody’s fault; it needs to be this way. This internal and external diversity is necessary to our role in the human race as the carriers of the next generations. However, the acceptance of this diversity, AND the recognition that WE DO, IN FACT, NEED MEN, would help things to be much more peaceful and herald a new level of human evolution.
SK: “Like my previous post was saying, we are mixing R(elations) with P(ublic) R(elations).”
WNR: I agree. We only need PR when we lack intimate, substantive R with OURSELVES.
SK: “We have lost concept of family and now men cannot find a reson to settle down with a woman.”
WNR: I agree somewhat with the first part of the statement. I disagree with the the second part. The concept of family has been muddled, but the VALUE of family has been replaced in modern society by the VALUE OF THE DOLLAR/MONEY, the things money buys, and the status those things bestow on the owner. Like a domino effect, the less important family and healthy community life matter, the more insecure is each individual member. The less secure the individual in the family/community, the more compensation needed through tangible “proof” of value – a replacement process for the intangible value given to a member of a family/community. It’s sad, really.
But men will find any excuse to keep on the hunt…it’s as old as humanity. It’s unfortunate that, because of the VALUE placed on things rather than on healthy relationships, men are caught in a trap of hunting for THINGS (to replace the lack of intimate, healthy relationships) rather than submitting to being controlled by shallow and toxic involvements with women who they’ve heard (through their friends/fathers/brothers/ TV sets) are unstable, and probably won’t like them for very long anyway. It’s so easy to mistake beauty for goodness, but foolish and widely encouraged, nonetheless. All the time they spend chasinig a shadow (the perfect looking/cooking/tasting/feeling-love), they’re rarely able to fill the hole left by lack of authentic, loving, intimate relationships with family and friends, and a clearly defined and highly valued position in their personal worlds.
SK: “World economy pave the way to men discovring more “exotic” beauties. Globalization’s gift became a curse for western world ladies.”
WNR: I agree, but then, eastern men seem easily wooed by the ephemeral blonde-haired, big breasted, western female who can never be too rich or too thin (i.e., Paris Hilton). On that level, tt’s a typical case of the other yard’s being always greener.
“As a rule, Man’s a Fool;
When it’s Hot, he wants it Cool,
When it’s Cool, he wants it Hot.
Always wanting what is not.”
On a different level of thinking, a man who is truly appreciative of the type of woman his mother was had a rare and wonderful upbringing, for it is on her and the imprint on him through her behavior/treatment of him, that he bases expectations and desires for his most intimate relationships with women. It’s the same with women.
Also, this type of cross-cultural, pan-global exchange is excellent for human diversity and ensures survival of the human species by introducing fresh genes into otherwise stale gene pools. This freshening of the gene pool introduces the possibility of environmentally adaptive mutation, which actually strengthens the chances of offspring survival. It may not be sexy, but it’s true as far as I know it. AND, overall, I THINK IT’S AWESOME!!!
Σωτηρη μου, μην ψάχνεις. Αυτά τα πράγματα ή είναι ή δεν είναι. Γιατί από δήθεν, ολοι έχουμε μια εικόνα, νομίζω.
σε φιλώ
ριτς
I am not something rear or unique. I am just not afraid of exposing myself to people.. I am just a human being among others..simple as this.
Thank you
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA